MPD/DID - Support: Healing & Recovery 101

Healing & Recovery 101

The first thing to realize is that you will probably need the help of a skilled therapist to help you at some point in your recovery. Do not buy into the false hope that therapy or the counselor will heal you. You are the one who does the real work. Your counselor is there to help guide you, to help you stay safe, and to help you focus on what needs to be fixed. But there is no magic pill, process, or person who can make you “all better.”

Am I ready for therapy?

There are several things you will want to consider before entering therapy. Ask yourself the following questions:

Is there a specific problem that I want to work on right now?
Do I have the time, energy, and money to enter into therapy?
Can I make the commitment to stay in therapy for a few weeks or months if need be in order to work through this specific problem?
Do I have supportive people in my life who can help me withstand the stress of therapy?

If you answered “no” to any of the above questions, then you have other tasks you need to work on before you enter therapy. If you answered “no” to number four only, then you and your therapist need to make building a support system your first priority. Therapy is difficult work. The only thing more difficult than therapy is trying to do therapy with no outside support, or having to end therapy when you are in an emotionally unstable place (such as still in the middle of dealing with a specific problem, issue, or memory).

What can I do on my own?

There are three major things you will need to work on, whether you are in therapy or not. In order to minimize chaos, shorten periods of crisis, and work towards recovery, you will need to work on what I call the 3 C’s:

Cooperation
Communication
Compromise

Cooperation is the process of working together towards a common goal. Common goals for Multiples often include maintaining the ability to work or attend school, avoiding self-harm or suicide, reducing the influence of negative memories and emotions on current functioning, and reducing dissociation (lost-time, lack of mutual awareness, risk of alters having competing goals, risk of alters placing the body in unsafe situations, etc.).

Communication is the process of sharing information, thoughts, memories, needs/wants, and plans with other alters. Without communication, you can not accomplish either of the other 2 C’s. Without the other 2 C’s, you can not maintain communication. That’s why I put in the middle - it is the bridge that keeps the 3 C’s working.

Compromise is the process of of trying to balance the rights, needs, and wants of two or more alters in order for all alters to have the most beneficial outcome possible in a situation. Compromise usually requires that each entity may have to give up, change, or delay their desired outcome. This is probably the most difficult of the 3 C’s because some alters will not want to give up, change, or delay their desired outcome. They will not care about trying to have “win-win” situations if they do not care about the other alters with whom they share a body. Sometimes the desired outcome between two alters will be total opposites, which also makes this very difficult!

Great! But how I do that?

There are several ways to start working on the 3 C’s. These include:

Keeping a journal.
Writing letters to other alters.
Using a group calendar so people can keep track of appointments and obligations that others have made.
Making a system map where all known alters and places are given space to write their name, any information they want to share (such as age, likes/dislikes, hobbies, gender).
Posting a list of system goals where all alters can see them.
Planning time when other alters can have their own interests, goals, friends, activities, etc.
Encouraging alters to find safer, more healthy, less dangerous activities to replace unsafe/unhealthy/dangerous desires/activities.
Listening to every alter, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
Taking time to celebrate every small victory and healthy habit alters make.
Taking time to have fun, and not just focus on the hard stuff like work, school, and therapy.
Using alarms throughout the day to help keep everyone on schedule with important meetings, wake/sleep schedules, medications, or just as a way to help discourage long periods of dissociation. (We found a wrist watch with up to 5 alarms per day!)
Letting every alter know that they are important, that they were created to perform a specific job in order to keep the body and other alters alive, and that they are still wanted. They may, however, now have the choice or need to change how they do their original job.

For example, some alters were created to stay quiet, and they may make it difficult for other alters to talk in therapy. They need to know that their original job was to keep the system safe (don’t talk so abusers don’t retaliate). Their original method was to keep quiet. Their new method is to understand that talking in therapy is safe, necessary, and healthy. They can now help the system safe by providing protection in another way such as by learning self-defense or helping littles feel safe inside when they are dealing with tough memories.

What exactly is healing and recovery?

Healing involves reducing emotional pain, reducing duration and intensity of negative emotions, and reducing the negative impact of trauma memories. It also includes making healthy choices, learning healthy habits, and increasing positive emotions. Each alter will have their own healing to do based on their personal histories/experiences.

Recovery is the process of healing. You will have many things healed (specific fears, specific emotions, specific habits, specific alters who are no longer in pain or distress) during the bigger process of recovery. Recovery is the process of moving away from chaos and dysfunction into stability and effective functioning. For most Multiples, recovery will result in fewer active alters, fewer dissociative events, and less time-lost. The further along you are in recovery, the more drastic these differences will be.

People also have different expectations of what the end result of recovery should look like. Are you recovered when you no longer lose time? When you no longer feel the need to have therapy? When you can hold a job? When you feel you are able to function at an optimal level? When you are no longer needing to dissociate to deal with current stress or past memories? When you no longer have any alters left? When you are fully functional as a singleton again?

There are no right or wrong answers. You may also find that as you reach one goal that you decide to push yourself forward toward a new, more difficult goal in recovery.

What about integration?

Integration, the process of combining, joining, or fusing two or more alters into one new personality, is an interesting topic of debate. Many Multiples fear that it means the death of alters. It does not. Every skill, memory, emotion, and aspect of each alter remains present in the new personality. Integration can be thought of as a process or tool, whereby specific alters join others in order to add to skill sets, balance destructive behaviors with positive behaviors, or dissolve dissociative barriers. Sometimes counselors will suggest integration as a goal in therapy, especially for suicidal or dangerous (to the body or to other alters) alters. In some systems, the dissociative barriers are so strong and so well defined that repeated integrations are the only way to bring the system together.

Another process which is similar to integration, is often called blending. Many systems will notice that as healing continues and recovery progresses, and some alters begin to blend with other alters. They usually blend with alters whom they enjoy being around, who share similar interests, have similar past experiences, or are similar in age. Blending is a natural process that happens as the dissociative barriers between alters dissolve. Blending is also sometimes thought to be different than integration because blended alters usually can separate or go their own ways easier than integrated personalities.

I like to think of integration as adding ingredients together in order to make something, like a salad. You add all the ingredients, and they are all present in the new form (the salad), but sometimes they can’t be removed back into their starting forms easily (it’s hard to un-cutting some of the things, but I can remove most of the items back into groups). Blending is more like pairs that we’re using to having together, like pizza and a soda. We could have one or the other, if we wanted to, but we usually prefer them together. Or, another example, kids often have several friends whom they are always hanging out with. You may get used to seeing them together, and calling them by a group name (like the pack, the gang, the team, etc.) They prefer to be together, but they can also still be individuals at a moment’s notice.

For our system, we were able to dismantle a lot of the dissociative barriers between alters or specific groups of alters. There was one case where we had to integrate two twin alters into one. One twin held the emotional memories, while the other half the physical memories. In order for that information to be joined so healing for those specific memories could take place, we had to get those two alters to fuse or integrate into one personality. We have had several alters who have blended with others, such as the littles who often travel in a pack rather than as individual alters. They enjoy each other’s company, support, and share many of the same interests. Being blended allows them to easily share time in control of the body doing activities they enjoy without each alters feeling like they have to complete for their own time in control.

For more on co-presence, co-conscious, integrated, and blended alters, please read How MPD Works: An Inside View.

How can I measure my progress?

Several changes can help you know that you’re making progress in recovery. These include:

Improvement in scores on self-reports tests of dissociative experiences, depression, anxiety, and other symptoms or issues.
Decreased length-of-stay and frequency of hospitalization.
Decreased number of episodes and decreased severity of episodes of self-destructive behaviors such as self-injury, chemical abuse, reenacting abusive situations, etc.
Decreased severity and frequency of lost time due.
Decreased severity and frequency of body memories, nightmares, and abreactions.
Fewer episodes of crisis and suicidal thoughts.
Fewer alters fighting for take control of the body during the day.
Fewer fragments still being created.
Increased ability to maintain school/work attendance and performance.
Increased ability to maintain/attain social relationships.
Increased stability in housing, financial, and medical health arenas.
Improved ability to deal with stress.
Improved physical health (because stress lowers immune system functioning).
Stronger sense of peace and control over your life.
Stronger willingness to make short-term and long-term goals.
Stronger ability to have hope for your future.